remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we're making bets on your personal life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
