I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
