Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is Oprah even human
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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