If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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