I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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