im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it was like eating out sand paper
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
