what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize