Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize