david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They are going to name an STD after you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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