people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
