I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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