Rock
Scissors
Fuck
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
