1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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