And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
