He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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