all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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