i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize