Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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