So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
