Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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