just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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