I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
