if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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