hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
