i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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