I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Please don't give away my fajitas
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
