So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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