We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
