So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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