Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
