I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
