my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
