walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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