I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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