He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
