Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
