I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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