Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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