There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
