How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
