who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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