my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
