Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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