Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
