covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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