Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
