Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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