The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
