I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
