I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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