im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
