I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
