just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
