dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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