Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Shame - the story of my life.
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