I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sobbing to NWA
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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