you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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