I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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