i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
