Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
