By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
