I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
