Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
