Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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