the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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