he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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