Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
