We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
