The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
