I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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