this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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