I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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