Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
