I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize