38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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