There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
