does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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