I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
