He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
